Summer-itus and Uncertainties

WOW! Do you ever look back at certain points in your life and say to yourself, "is this it?" "Is this all I'm ever going to do, all I'm ever going to be?" That's where I am right now. I've reached a wall in my career.... basically, I've decided that this is NOT the career that I want. This is not the job that I want to be doing for the rest of my life. BUT, now what do I do??

There in lies the ultimate question. I'm unsettled, I'm uncertain of my future, and I'm done. But again, what do I do now?? And the answer is, PRAY!!!.... PRAY A LOT!!! For the past year I've felt as if God was moving, leading me toward something. I've felt Him working and I've known that a big change was coming, but I wasn't exactly sure what that change would be. I'm still not certain of the change, but I do know this....I've got some large decisions to make.

First and foremost, what do I want to do?? If I don't want to do what I'm doing, what is it that truly strikes my fancy, floats my boat, makes me kick my heels together in glee?? And right now, I honestly don't know the answer to that question. I'm praying and asking God to lead me to it. Because I've got to tell you, I'm completely at a loss.

And secondly, where do I want to be?? And by this, I mean do I really want to stay in Chicago?? I've made a life for myself here, but I don't think this is really where I want to BE to STAY.... Where I want to spend the rest of my life. So then, where do I want to BE?? Where would I be most happy and settled?? That's another question for God. I have a few ideas, but they all seem so far fetched. I'm simply praying and asking God for His direction, for His peace, for His strength to continue the search. I'm open to whatever he holds in store for me. I'm willing to go where He leads me, I'm just in need of His direction.

If possible, I'd prefer the whole lightening bolt in the sky approach, but I'll settle for anything.

So please pray for me. Please pray that God continues to work and continues to direct my life. And please pray that I will have the strength to follow where He leads.

True Love

While in Wigan a few weeks back, I was fortunate enough to attend a wedding. At this wedding, they read a beautiful poem that I would like to share. We're not exactly sure who wrote said poem, but that doesn't really matter...it's the words that count.

-- True Love --

True love is a precious flame
That burns perpetually
And none can dim its special glow
Or change its density

True love speaks in tender tones
And hearts with gentle ear
True love gives with open heart
And true love conquers fear.

True love makes no harsh demands
It neither rules nor binds
And true love holds with gentle hands
The heart that it entwines.

Author Unknown


Oh that we would all be so fortunate to find that one "true love" some day.

Distance

Have you ever felt shy with God?? You get on your knees to pray and it crosses your mind, "I wonder what He's going to say, what He's going to do when I tell Him this?"

Or your'e simply too shy to even get on your knees with Him in the first place. You feel as if you can't tell Him something for fear that He won't answer you.... or for fear that He will. Sometimes it seems easier to hold on to something so that you don't have to trust the Lord with it. You feel that if you're holding on to it, you don't have to wonder what God is going to say or do.

You've got it all wrapped up nice and tight....and it begins to FESTER. This thing you're holding on to begins to sour the rest of your relationship with God. By not giving Him this ONE thing, you've infected the rest of your spiritual walk. And it begins to grow.... if you're not careful, you soon have a malignancy that is slowly killing off the rest of your faith.

I know, because this has been my recent struggle. I've been shy of going to the Lord on my own behalf. I'm great when praying for others, and I truly trust that the Lord will be there. But when praying for myself, I've been empty.

And I can feel this lack of communication, it affects the whole rest of my walk. I can feel my attitude slipping, my heart gets a tiny bit harder.... And it's all just little things that could be attributed to having a bad day or stress. But the truth of the matter is that this is being caused because I'm not communing with God, I'm not talking to Him. I've closed our line of communication and by doing so, I've let fear and doubt take over. And we all know that these are NOT from God.

So I'm trying, I'm trying to talk to the Lord. It's still difficult, but slowly and surely I know that I will make my way back to that closeness I felt just a short time ago.

The crazy part is, He's there waiting for me, urging me to come to Him and give Him this burden that I carry. I know this!!.... it's just difficult sometimes to trust.

Just a few pics of the trip

This was Bolton Abbey. We went here on our second day in England, it was cold, wet and rainy and I LOVED it!! It just made for a truly authentic English experience.

New friends

Have you ever had just an instant connection with a group of people?? You walk in and you realize that you're home, that you belong.

That's how I felt while in Wigan these past 2 weeks. I've never met such a wonderfully welcoming group of people..... they were and are just tremendously loving and kind. And talk about funny, I've not laughed so much in ages.... it was a GREAT workout. In fact, I lost 4 pounds while over there....all of it I attribute to a certain Webster.

It's a true testament to the power of Christ's love and how it connects us. No matter where you go, as long as you are in the presence of Christians, you are home.