Have you ever felt shy with God?? You get on your knees to pray and it crosses your mind, "I wonder what He's going to say, what He's going to do when I tell Him this?"
Or your'e simply too shy to even get on your knees with Him in the first place. You feel as if you can't tell Him something for fear that He won't answer you.... or for fear that He will. Sometimes it seems easier to hold on to something so that you don't have to trust the Lord with it. You feel that if you're holding on to it, you don't have to wonder what God is going to say or do.
You've got it all wrapped up nice and tight....and it begins to FESTER. This thing you're holding on to begins to sour the rest of your relationship with God. By not giving Him this ONE thing, you've infected the rest of your spiritual walk. And it begins to grow.... if you're not careful, you soon have a malignancy that is slowly killing off the rest of your faith.
I know, because this has been my recent struggle. I've been shy of going to the Lord on my own behalf. I'm great when praying for others, and I truly trust that the Lord will be there. But when praying for myself, I've been empty.
And I can feel this lack of communication, it affects the whole rest of my walk. I can feel my attitude slipping, my heart gets a tiny bit harder.... And it's all just little things that could be attributed to having a bad day or stress. But the truth of the matter is that this is being caused because I'm not communing with God, I'm not talking to Him. I've closed our line of communication and by doing so, I've let fear and doubt take over. And we all know that these are NOT from God.
So I'm trying, I'm trying to talk to the Lord. It's still difficult, but slowly and surely I know that I will make my way back to that closeness I felt just a short time ago.
The crazy part is, He's there waiting for me, urging me to come to Him and give Him this burden that I carry. I know this!!.... it's just difficult sometimes to trust.
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Distance
Posted by Gina at 7:51 AM
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2 comments:
Regina, I feel the same way so many times!! In fact, I too am working on the same thing as we speak. I hold too many thing from him wonder what he will think or how he might answer. Strangely enough, he already knows what we need, what we want and what we are holding from him. He just desires that open communication between us and Him. He wants us to SAY it to Him.
Jeremy did a lesson a few weeks ago on the prodigal son. When you said God is waiting for you it is the same with that story. God is the father. No matter how big or little the thing may be God is waiting to throw that robe on your back, the ring on your finger and throw you a huge feast b/c you have reopened that communication line with him.
How wonderful to know that He still desires us even when it is just the slightest (in our minds) thing of not communicating with Him!
I'll be praying for you and your walk with Him and that you will be able to openly share about yourself with our Lord! Love ya!
Regina, I understand where you are coming from. I don't feel too shy to pray and have no problem praying for other people. I just always feel like my "problems" are so meaningless compared to other people so I should not use that time to focus on my own needs. Like praying for my small things was somehow too selfish.
I totally appreciate what you and Rachel had to say. Thank you! I never really thought about the ammount of damage I was doing by not bringing my own struggles more frequently to God. I know He is wondering when I am going to ask for HIS help instead of trying to control it on my own!
I think that as a mom I tend to do the mom thing and take care of everyone else's needs first. I was doing that in my prayer life too. I guess we all need to take better care of ourselves, physically and spiritually, so that we can better care for others. I had never really looked at it that way before regarding spiritual/prayer life.
Thank you both for the insight.
-Jen
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